What A Difference A Year Makes

The room was dark, the gel was cold and I really had to pee. I didn't care. I had anxiously waited for this moment since we found out baby #2 was on his or her way. Justin was holding my hand as the ultrasound tech pointed out our baby's perfect little nose. The anticipation kept building as we counted the fingers and toes. Potential baby names and nursery themes were bouncing around in my mind while we waited for the news.

Flamingos would be fun for a girl since she will be born in the summer! Oh, but I LOVED that baby quilt with the bear wearing the bow tie I saw on Pinterest the other day for a boy! Ugh, but the name Alice would complement Adele so well... good thing this isn't up to me! I'd never decide!

Then after what felt like forever, the ultrasound tech said without much hesitation, but filled with excitement, "it's a boy!" I can't remember for sure, but I'm pretty sure I squealed. I would have been overjoyed either way; it was just so wonderful to finally know!

We spent the rest of the day celebrating by buying our little boy's first outfit, staging the perfect picture with our daughter holding blue balloons, and announcing the news to family over dinner. From sun up to sun down, that day was all about our sweet boy on the way.

Little did I know, that would not be the last March 21 we would celebrate our little boy.

We had no idea that day that our precious baby would be born with Down syndrome nor did we know that March 21 is World Down Syndrome Day. Earlier this week, I happened to notice the matching dates while scrolling through old pictures. There it was on my Facebook timeline. That perfectly staged picture with a date stamp of March 21, 2014, of our daughter Adele proudly holding blue balloons announcing to the world she was going to have a little brother. I couldn't believe it.

Ironic, isn't it? Poetic even?

It wasn't long after we found out we were team blue that the visions of my little boy started flooding my thoughts. We decided on the name Elliot because we thought it would look good on a campaign poster.

Elliot Wood, that's a strong name! He could run for office with that name!

We talked about how he would play tennis like his daddy, but he would have a musical side too like mommy - maybe play the guitar! We were already starting to vie for whose college alma mater he would attend. We talked about how he would probably get in all kinds of trouble as a teenager, but how funny it would actually all be in retrospect.

Every time I saw a little boy in public, I'd turn to goo thinking of my little one on the way. Life was perfect. It was turning out exactly how I had planned.

When we found out Elliot had Down syndrome after he was born, my world stood still for a moment. I grieved the little boy I thought I was going to have. This wasn't a part of the plan.

Justin and I have worked so hard to get where we are. Two college degrees, two believer's baptisms, two steady jobs, two great credit scores, one adorable daughter... this doesn't fit. How did we get here? How do we go from all of that to having a premature baby with Down syndrome in the NICU with a feeding tube and a heart defect?

I was scared. I was overwhelmed. I was unprepared.

I am embarrassed by those initial thoughts. But they were real, and most importantly, they were fleeting.

Though there are hard days still every now and then, my outlook on my little boy is the complete opposite from that day. I am so in love with my Elliot. Down syndrome might not have been a part of my plan, but it was a part of God's plan. And as it turns out, Elliot is the perfect fit to our family.

One year ago, I might have pictured Elliot differently, but now I know I have something, someone so much better on my hands than I ever could have imagined.

I have a fighter who pulled out his own feeding tube.

I have a little miracle whose heart surgery keeps getting pushed back.

I have a charmer who smiles at all the ladies.

I have a little brother who is already teaching his sister great compassion.

I have a giggle monster that thinks my face is funny.

I have a teacher who opens the eyes of everyone around him.

I have a son that I am proud of.

You might never see Elliot Wood on a campaign poster (or maybe you will, who knows!), but Elliot will do great things in his life. He will walk. He will go to school. He will read. He will play tennis with his dad and sing songs with his mom. He will have a job. He will love and be loved. He will change the hearts of those he meets.

As March 21, 2015, approaches, I am filled with excitement. I am proud to be a part of this global community that will join together to celebrate our kids and continue to open doors for children and adults with Down syndrome. I hope you'll join in on the celebration too!

What a difference a year makes.

Ditching the Mental Checklist (For One Night)

Every night at about 7 p.m. I find myself racing against the clock. As the minutes tick by, I'm marking off my mental checklist.

OK, if I can get the kids to finish eating by this time, I can get the toddler in the bath at this time, which means she'll be in bed at this time. We're totally only reading one bedtime book tonight though... it's been a long day and I've still got a baby to feed and put to bed and wash all the bottles and clean the kitchen and just RELAX and watch some HGTV and eat that KitKat bar I've been  strategically hiding all day. I just hope said toddler doesn't decide to play a game of 20 questions as I turn off her light.

I'm totally aware of the run-on sentence above, but that just gives you a quick picture of what's going on inside of my head. I've had enough conversations with other moms to know that I am not alone in this battle.

So tonight as we drove home from dinner with friends, I sat there preparing the mental checklist. Debating whether or not the toddler really needed a bath. I mean, did she really get all that dirty playing outside? (The answer is yes, she really did get all that dirty playing outside). Well, at least we've already eaten. Maybe we can do a quick bath... no toys, no inside jokes, no fun. Strictly business. Yes, that'll be great and she can be in bed and I can have my date with Chip and JoJo and my hidden stash of candy in no time!

That was the plan. So I put said baby in his swing and threw said toddler in the tub. I told her we were doing a bath as fast as we can tonight. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and asked, "why?"

Now anyone with a toddler knows that "why" is simply part of their vocabulary. A common word used to go down the rabbit hole. Only this time... she wasn't trying to be funny... she genuinely asked it. I was about to just say, "it's late, so we need to hurry."

But then I thought... well, why? Why couldn't I give my daughter a little extra time just one night? Why couldn't I just relax and forget about the minutes ticking away for one night?

So I altered the plan. She played in her bath until her fingers were wrinkly. We danced to "Shake it Off" after putting on her pajamas. I blow dried her hair. I painted her toe nails in a hue of her choice. And, when it came time to crawl into bed, we read THREE books and sang THREE songs. We even made shadow animals with her lamp. Then as I turned off the light instead of getting huffy when she inevitably said, "Mommy, I want to ask you a question." I said (with a smile on my face), "yes?"

"Mommy, did you know that tickles make us laugh?"

I said yes, I do and with that we said our final good nights. I checked the time for the first time since before I put her in the bath. 9:15. A whole 45 minutes past her bed time. A whole 45 minutes well spent.

I'm sure tomorrow my checklist will return, because let's be real, mommy's gotta have some me-time, but for now I'm going to the relish the fact that I have a red-toe-nailed-polished-happy little girl tucked away in her bed and a sweet baby boy asleep in my arms instead of his crib while I type this post.