I can't speak for all parents of kids with Down syndrome, but as I reflect on the last seven months, I am so thankful God put so many people in our lives that just "get it." Every now and then though I come across people who I think are just uncomfortable talking about Elliot. Like I've said before on a previous post, I didn't know anything about Down syndrome before we had Elliot, so I don't blame anyone if they don't know what to say or think. I wrote this post in hopes to help people understand that our life is just like anybody's else's.
1. Don't Be Sorry
Thank God no one has told us personally that they are sorry, but I've heard so many stories of other parents who were told these words after given a Down syndrome diagnosis even by medical professionals! When we found out Elliot had Down syndrome, a scenario played in my head of friends driving away from our home after a good visit and saying to themselves, "Poor Melinda and Justin." I shuddered at that thought. I didn't (and I don't) want anyone to feel sorry for us because we see Elliot as a tremendous blessing just like we do Adele. I have no idea if anyone does this, but I hope not! I know the unknown is scary, but I hope that those around us see the joy in our lives over the obstacles; Elliot's smiles over the doctor visits; the love over the worry. God gave us a healthy, happy, thriving little boy. There's absolutely nothing to be sorry about. God doesn't define perfection the way the world does. He has a purpose for every life. "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2
2. We Are Not Snowflakes
I've noticed a few people get tongue-tied when talking to us about Elliot, but let me let you in on a little secret... Unless someone is being blatantly disrespectful to my child, that person is not going to offend me. Ask me questions. I love talking about Elliot! I also don't expect people to know what to say or how to say it. I had no idea how to talk about children with special needs until I had one, so it would be completely unfair of me to hold everyone to some standard they know nothing about.
3. We Are Overjoyed At Your Child's Development
If I'm being 100 percent honest, when your child who is Elliot's age (or younger) meets a milestone that Elliot isn't close to, it stings a little. It's a reminder that already at seven months old, he's falling behind. That being said, I genuinely am so happy to see your little one develop and I want to hear about it! That face of determination, the giggles, the "Mom, I got this" expression is priceless on any baby and I love that there are so many awesome kids in Elliot's life that he gets to grow up with. So please tell me your baby stories, send me pictures... I love your babies!
4. Elliot's Just Like Any Other Kid
I've said it before, but I was terrified to see Elliot in the NICU after they told me he had Down syndrome. I was scared that I wasn't going to feel a connection. I was scared I wasn't going to know how to be his mom. It's difficult to admit those initial thoughts now because he has become such a part of me just like his big sister. Elliot is just like any other child. He needs love. He enjoys being held. He laughs when you make faces. He's mesmerized when you read to him. He gets grumpy when he's tired. He's going to take a little longer to crawl, walk and read, but he will get there. He will go to school and make friends. He will have goals and aspirations. Having an extra chromosome will not take those things away. So don't be scared! Down syndrome is nothing to fear.
5. There Are Days That I Get Scared
OK, I know I just said all that stuff in #4, which was all true, but if I'm keeping it real, there are moments when I am overcome with my own fears of the years ahead. Most days are like any other family's. Busy. Fun. Loud. Filled with laughs one minute and temper tantrums the next. But there are times when my mind is filled with thoughts of his increased risk for autism and leukemia, the fact that he could be nonverbal, and his likely open heart surgery at a young age. I think about his future education. Will his elementary school support inclusion? Will the kids in his class accept him? Will he have a girlfriend (and even a wife) one day? And then I go down the rabbit hole. Don't get me wrong, these days are few and far between, but they do creep up on me. When I'm having these days, I usually keep my thoughts to myself, but if I choose to share them with you please know I wouldn't change anything about my son. Please know that not every day is filled with doubt. Just listen to me and pray that I get over this wave of fear soon.
6. We Are Not Superheroes
I can't thank people enough for the kind words of affirmation they have given us over the past several months, but, truthfully, we know we are ordinary people that God chose to be Elliot's parents. We'd be lying to ourselves if we bought into thinking we are anything more than imperfect people that God called to a purpose. The only superhero in our home is Jesus Christ who has been abundantly faithful in his provision for our family. He's the one that brought Adele into this world after my delivery started to go south. He's the one that kept Elliot cooking until 34 weeks despite what the doctors said. He's the one that allowed him to breathe on his on despite being premature. He's the one that closed one of the holes in his heart. "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
So, while your praises at our parenting skills mean so much to us, all of the glory goes to our mighty God. Also, at the end of the day, we are doing what any loving parent would do - taking care of and loving our children.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
