A Letter To 18-Year-Old Melinda on her 30th Birthday... Just go with it.

Words of advice to my 18-year-old self on my 30th birthday.

Dear Melinda,

Hey! It’s me! I mean… it’s you! Happy birthday! Wow, 18. Can you believe it? You just got your acceptance letter to Baylor. You’re smack dab in the middle of Madrigal season. Your friends are throwing you and Amy a birthday party tonight. You’ve got the world on a string.

Right now your biggest concern is your outfit for tonight and if they remembered to buy the big sparkly candles for the cake. And you know what? That’s OK! You’re a kid… you shouldn’t have to worry about much more than that.

You’re probably thinking, “Yikes! 30! I’m so sorry about how old and ancient you are.” Well, while I definitely have more gray hairs and random aches that I care to admit, I’m not old… OK, I’m not THAT old and I have a learned a thing or two in these first 30 years. I thought I’d share some advice and insight on what’s in store for you! Get ready… the next 12 years are going to be good to you!

1.  In a few months you are going to try out for a solo for pop show and get only one night instead of the two you think you deserve. #firstworldproblems. Oh, you don’t know what a hashtag is yet… Basically, get over it! There are starving children in Africa! Take your one night and rock it. Besides, you give up the music major thing in like two seconds once you get to college. It’s totally fine.
2. Don’t waste your freshman year of college. Meet people. Go places. Study. Pray. Repeat. Sounds like common sense, but you’ll be reluctant to do these things because you will be heartbroken. Spoiler alert: your boyfriend is going to break up with you over the summer. And no, you don’t get back together and get married despite what happens three years from now. But that’s OK, because four years from now you are going to be in Brett Walker’s truck in the parking lot of Mezzanine Lounge (not as fancy as it sounds) waiting to leave and some guy is going to hop into the passenger seat and introduce himself. He will be what we call a game-changer, an answer to prayer, a knight in shining armor. No, it’s not Matt Damon or Nick Carter, but don’t worry, he’s still really hot and will become your rock in life.
3. Learn to say, “no.” This will save you from a painfully awkward date your freshmen year of college, taking a job you don’t want and probably even the hypertension you’ll be diagnosed with in ten years.
4. Do not let Amy and Jessie give you “Christina Aguilera” highlights in the summer of 2005. Disaster waiting to happen.
5. Be patient when it comes to your career. You’re going to be sitting at your college graduation silently freaking out in your head because you don’t have a job. It’s OK. You will get two offers on the same day three weeks from now and you’re going to leave the one you pick in about six months for what you think is your dream job. You actually won’t have your real dream job for another ten years from now. That job will change your life and your outlook on youth. You’ll also leave this job in only two years to be a stay-at-home mom. I know, right? Not you! Yes, you. It’s cool; trust me. So, again, just be patient and take life as it comes.
6. You will be invited to go on a river trip in the summer of 2007. Don’t go. But if you choose to ignore my warning, for the love of Pete please buy the strongest sun block you can find and just lather that stuff on like every 30 minutes.
7. On New Year’s Eve 2007, you will be asked to housesit. Just do yourself a favor and put the key on your key ring. Not only will you save a ton of money on a locksmith, but you’ll be able to go out to ring in the new year instead of pacing back and forth on the driveway panicking about how your friend’s dog is assuredly peeing everywhere inside.
8. On your honeymoon, just skip tropical drink night. You’ve been forewarned.
9. You will fondly look back on New Year's Eve 2010 as your favorite of all time. It will be a weekend to remember for sure with friends you love so much. That's why you can't let anyone eat at Bill Miller. Stay away.
10. Be content in those first years of marriage. You’re going to have a beautiful wedding and you are going to be so in love with your new husband, but all too quickly you will stop getting distracted by your wedding ring as your hand rests on the steering wheel. Your cozy apartment in the city that you found so charming is going to start to feel cramped. The sound of your new last name won’t be as exciting. You’re going to be ready for a house. Then soon after a dog. Then soon after a baby. All of these steps are big and wonderful, but just don’t forget to enjoy the step you are on. You will never get those days back so drink up those quiet days as a new wife.
11. When you have your first child, don’t freak out about how much she cries. People are going say, “Oh, she must have colic,” or “Maybe it’s reflux.” You’re going to spend a lot of nights crying to yourself about how she won’t sleep and you’re going to obsessively Google, “my baby cries constantly.” And, guess what. Your daughter is just a crier… A stubborn, willful little firecracker in pig tails that challenges you daily and you are a better person for her. So, when she’s a tiny baby that cries all night, just hold her close. You will be surprised how quickly that time goes and how much you will actually miss those late nights (or should I say early mornings?) when all she wanted was to sleep in your arms.
12. You and Kim are going to go to a standing room only Backstreet Boys concert in December of 2013. Yes, Nick Carter is still ridiculously hot, but the moral here is: do not underestimate overaged teenyboppers. You get there early and be ready to fight for your way to the front!
13. In 2014, your second baby will arrive. Your pregnancy is going to be rough. His birth will be early. He’s going to need much more care than you anticipated. But despite all of that, your heart is going to be so full of joy and love every time your eyes lock, every time you wake to his happy babbles, every time his hand wraps around your finger. He’s going to smile with his entire body and it will melt you into a big puddle. He’s going to teach you that God’s plan is greater than your own. He’s going to show those around you what love really means. So, when it comes time for his birth, it’s OK to process your feelings. It’s OK to be confused. Just take comfort in the fact that God doesn’t make mistakes and that this little boy is going to change your heart for the better.

So there you have it. Nothing crazy monumental and most of these you come to on your own. Have a great birthday! Maybe I’ll write another letter to you on your 30th birthday in 12 years. I’ll definitely be old then!

Love,

Melinda

PS – Your friends DO get you and Amy the big sparkly candles tonight! Yes!

Waiting Rooms

Today Elliot had another cardiologist appointment and it went really well! She said his heart looks the same as it did during his last echo, which is good. She also said she won't need to see him again for another two months and after that she thinks we can go to seeing her every six months! She took him off of the Lasix too. I'm just still in amazement with how well he is doing. He's gaining weight and reaching all of his milestones on track. He really is a little fighter. We know surgery is on the horizon at some point in the next few years, but how wonderful it is to be able to just enjoy my baby and not have to worry about surgery right now.

Waiting for the echo!

While we were in the waiting room this morning, a little girl with Down syndrome was playing and reading. I couldn't help but watch her and think what was in store for Elliot. Her mom noticed and came right out and said to me, "Your little boy has Down syndrome like my daughter, doesn't he?" I said yes and we got to talking about our babies. This little girl was 12 years old and has been through five (yes, five!) open heart surgeries in her lifetime... all at Texas Children's, all successful. She told me her birth story and I told her Elliot's. She gave me some tips and told me that Elliot was just beautiful.

I've said it before, but Elliot truly brings out the best in people. We now have this instant connection with all these families that have children with DS. There's no awkwardness. There's no big elephant. There's only love for your children and mutual respect for your respective journeys. It's so wonderful to have that bond with other families, but I can't help but think how rich life would be if we all acted this way. If we all struck up conversations in waiting rooms and prayed over strangers' children... how beautiful life would be. Having Elliot really has taught me so much about prayer, relationships and hearts (both figurative and literal). Next time you're at the doctor's office, don't be afraid to talk to the stranger next to you... you never know who you might meet, whose day you might brighten or what they might need prayer for!

21 Things

OK, I totally stole this from another mom, but I loved the idea! In honor of Down Syndrome Awareness Month, here is a list of 21 things I love about Elliot. See what she did there with the 21st chromosome? Cute idea, right? You can see her list here... she has an awesome blog!

Here it goes in no particular order:

1. His little nose! It's the same nose Adele has, their dad's nose and I love it!

2. He is such a fighter. I think back to when I was still pregnant with him and the doctors kept saying his heart rate was going to dip and it never did! And, obviously, we can't forget how he spent six long weeks in the NICU. I can't wait to see what else this kid overcomes in his lifetime!

3. I love his babbles. So flippin' cute.

4. This is a weird one - but this kid toots like a grown man. It's hilarious. Justin and I can't help but laugh when he does it!

5. He watches his sister constantly. His eyes just follow her wherever she goes.

6. He's so alert. I remember Adele would instantly fall asleep on car rides or walks at this age, but not Elliot. He loves to check out the scenery and I love watching him already starting to explore the world around him.

7. He's a show-off. He loves to show people his new tricks like rolling over or babbling. He makes me one proud mom!

8. I love his tiny little fingers and toes. His pinkies are crooked and he has larger spaces separating his big toes from the others. These are beautiful reminders of God's plan for him and I wouldn't have them another way.

9. I love how he seems to listen in church. Because of his heart condition, we aren't supposed to leave him in the nursery yet, so he sits with us every Sunday. He's usually wide-eyed through the whole service. His babbles slip sometimes, but I don't think our neighbors mind much :)

10. Have you seen his big blue eyes? Again, just like his sister's. I'm convinced the color comes from my grandmother who I miss every day. When I look in to Elliot's eyes (and Adele's for that matter) I can almost still feel her presence with me.

11. He sleeps through the night consistently. We put him down at 11 pm and he wakes up around 7 am... smiling I might add. Hallelujah. I paid my dues with Adele.

12. He's so chill and normally happy as a clam. (Side note: Why is this a saying? Are clams really that happy?) Nothing bothers this kid except being hungry... he will put his mean face on when he's hungry.

13. He's a fast learner. He still struggles eating sometimes, but he's getting better every day! He's also starting to hold his head up more and more.

14. I swear he's already puckering his lips when I go to kiss him. He just loves his mommy, I guess.

15. Every morning when he wakes up, he has completely turned himself around in his crib and in a swaddle nonetheless.... my little sleep scooter.

16. I love how when I feed him a bottle he holds my thumb. Every time. I can barely stand how cute this is!

17. He looks great in green. Sic 'em Bears!

18. It warms my heart to watch Adele be a "mother" to him. When he cries, she wants to soothe him. She runs ahead of me to pick out his clothes in the morning. What a beautiful relationship already forming between them.

19. His face when he sleeps is adorable. He smirks. He sticks his tongue out. I could stare at him forever when he sleeps!

20. His baby breath. If I could bottle up his baby breath and keep it forever, I would.

21. Elliot brings out the best in people. When we first found out Elliot had Down syndrome, we were shocked. We grieved. We needlessly fretted. We were consumed by fear for a few hours, then all of those feelings soon faded as so many reached out to us. We were loved on by friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, our medical team and even people we haven't spoken to in years. We were also welcomed in to a new community of families. I have been in awe of what this little boy has done to people's hearts in just 3.5 months.

In closing, many of you may have seen a recent article by a woman who wishes she could have aborted her son with Down syndrome. That makes my heart hurt. I want women to see how wrong that woman is... how wonderful and beautiful and "normal" (I say normal because the woman in the article longed for a "normal" family) life with a child with Down syndrome is. So please share this post! I deeply want women receiving a prenatal diagnosis to hear from moms who love their children with all of their hearts... not from Negative Nancies!

It's Down Syndrome Awareness Month!

Move over pink, October is also Down Syndrome Awareness Month! Just kidding, don't move over pink, but please share the aisle... there's enough love in our hearts to celebrate both! Now as a mother of a precious baby with Down syndrome, I want so badly to spread the word about Down syndrome mainly because I realize how much I didn't know about it until I became Elliot's mom.

You've got to be kidding me with these cheeks?!?! 

Before Elliot, I knew nothing about Down syndrome. All I could think of was this little girl at my elementary school that would run out of her classroom when the teachers weren't looking. As mentioned in Elliot's birth story, I was terrified. Some days I still am, but not of him. I'm more scared of Elliot growing up in a world that doesn't understand how amazing he is because trust me I can already tell he is one awesome little dude! I read stories of kids being kicked out of gymnastics because they can't keep up or adults losing their jobs because they had to have a job coach help them (I'm looking at you Papa John's). It's all so hard to hear while looking down at this little boy that I see as absolute perfection.

I want the world to see that God doesn't measure success the way we do and he does not make mistakes. Elliot is here for a purpose and I believe that purpose is to open hearts around him to help spread the word that children and adults with Down syndrome are not scary... they can do many (if not all) of the things typical people can do as long as we allow them the time and support they need to get there.

As I've already said, I'm guilty too. There are two recent encounters of children with Down syndrome that stick out boldly in my mind and neither of them put me in a good light. Last summer I was perusing the aisles in Target (shocker) and there was a mom with her two daughters in front of me. One of the girls had Down syndrome. She was just hanging out in the aisle with her mom and sister looking at earrings. I remember thinking to myself, "that poor woman." I also felt a fear creep into me. Justin and I had just started trying for another baby, and it hit me at that moment that no one is immune from having a child with Down syndrome. I bet if that woman could have read my mind she would have said, "You're the poor woman!" And she would have been right.

The next memory is we were touring day cares when we moved to Atascocita and when we visited one, there was this little boy in the two-year-old class running around throwing toys at all the other kids. He also had Down syndrome and my shameful thought this time was, "How is he allowed to be in here? Doesn't he need a more special environment?" If I could go back in time and slap myself in the face, I totally would. For one, now that Adele is a full-fledged two-year-old, I realize every kid runs around and throws toys. Also, that little boy was exactly where he needed to be... with peers his own age being challenged in his development!

Can you believe I thought these things? I'm so embarrassed to admit them, but it makes me think that as a Christian, an educator, a college degree holder, a loving wife and mother that if I can think these things, that most likely A LOT of people would have these same thoughts and we have to change that. There's no room in this world for this kind of fear. There's much bigger issues to be afraid of.

I have no idea why these instances are so vivid in my memory. Maybe God made them bright spots so that when Elliot was born I could remember how "normal" these little kids lives were hanging out with mom at Target and participating at day care, which meant their moms' lives were also "normal" shopping with her daughters and keeping a day job.

So, this month, I urge you that when you see someone with Down syndrome out and about don't be fearful. Don't feel sorry for their parents. Just smile and recognize them for who they are... a person first who God so dearly loves.

Our New Normal

Can you believe it's been more than a month that Elliot has been home? The NICU has already become a distant memory to us and we couldn't be more thankful for that!

Some of our first moments at home as a family of four :)

The first few weeks home have been amazing. I cannot emphasize enough how good a baby Elliot is. He only cries when he's hungry and sleeps really well at night. I can remember walking around the entire house at 3 a.m. when Adele was a newborn begging God to make her fall asleep, lol. Not the case with our little E. We can just lay him down and he's out!

Adele also adores her little brother and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. Our biggest problem with her is that she kisses and hugs him too much. We're so thankful that Elliot is already being covered in love by his big sister... something we've dreamed about since we found out we were expecting Baby #2.

Developmentally wise, Elliot is doing great! He is delayed in a few things as to be expected since he was six weeks premature on top of the Down syndrome, but overall he's looking really good our pediatrician says. This morning was actually our first appointment with Early Child Intervention. An occupational therapist came out to assess him and she said he's already doing some encouraging things. She said his muscle tone is good and he's very aware of everything around him. She set some goals for us to work on over the next few months like better head control and bringing his hands to his bottle. We'll meet with them twice a month for the foreseeable future. It was very exciting to meet them and get our little man started on his therapies!

Rachel Robinson, the occupational therapist,
and Maria Hernandez with ECI came out
today to assess Elliot!

Other than that, we meet with the cardiologist on Oct. 6 and we're hoping to get more answers concerning the open heart surgery he will need to have. We ended up switching cardiologists because we weren't crazy about the one Woman's set us up... we've been blessed with meeting another family who loves the Lord and has a precious baby girl with Down syndrome just two months older than Elliot. They are the ones that recommended the new cardiologist we are seeing since their little girl has the same heart defect that E has. We are very hopeful we're going to love this new doctor and finally get the information we need!

I'm also adjusting to life as a stay-at-home mom (something I never thought I'd be). I'm enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would. I'm getting to know Adele on such a different level than before and I'm loving it... it makes me regret not staying home sooner! She's such a fun kid and is growing up waaaay too fast. I do really miss my yearbook kids though... like I really miss them. I actually think about them a lot and wonder if they are adjusting to the new adviser well. I pray that the new adviser realizes how amazing those kids are and works hard to tap that potential deep in them. I said to Justin that even though I'm at peace with my decision to stay home, I wonder why God would give me such a seemingly perfect job just to have me walk away from it. Then Justin, always the voice of reason, said to me, "Maybe it wasn't about you. Maybe God wanted you there for those specific students you had. There's no telling what you sparked inside them." So, that's what I'm clinging to... it's all a part of the grander plan!

While we are on the topic of His grander plan... can I just say, "Wow!" I've never felt the presence of God in my life more than I do these days. I've always been a believer, but I cannot explain what Elliot's birth has done to my heart. Elliot has already made me a better person and I have God to thank for that! Justin and I talk about how it feels like we have time to stop and smell the roses. Suddenly it's not all about making sure our kids bring home straight As, having the best lawn in the cul-de-sac or being the first in line for an iPhone 6. Now all I truly want is for my kids to be loved and encouraged. I want them both to fall head over heels in love with Jesus so badly that they want to spread that love to others. I want to look back at the end of my life and know that I made a true difference in their lives. I'm not saying I don't want an iPhone 6 (because I totally do), but that's not what life is about. I mean, everyone knows that... but how often do we truly live that? How often do we truly live out God's desire for our lives? I know that in some ways I do, but then I peruse Pinterest and that need for the perfect house, the perfect outfit and the perfect kids win out.

I pray that God continues to work on my heart so that my priorities stay in line with his plan for my life. I thank God so much for choosing me to be Elliot's mom... I'm already a better person because of him and I know that E's going to do great things. I can't wait to see how God uses him and our family to encourage other in their journey... maybe even YOU (yes, you!)

The Finish Line?

Dare I risk announcing the doctors think Elliot will be home tomorrow???

They've been saying for about two weeks now that it would be very soon, but we kept having setback after setback that would push us back another day. We thought for sure after he pulled his feeding tube out two weeks ago he'd be home, but then he lost weight.

Then last Friday we thought Saturday would be the day, but then his heart rate dropped during a feeding. Apparently there is a 5-day rule once that happens, which makes tomorrow the day. We have been praying nonstop that we are at the finish line.

Dr. Munoz seemed very positive when we saw him earlier today, so we are very hopeful that as of this time tomorrow Elliot will be free of all the wires, have finally seen the sun and be loved on in his own home. Please pray with us for Elliot's continued health and happy homecoming!

In other news, it has been a while since I've posted, so there is a lot to catch up on. Elliot is now 6 pounds, 5 ounces and is really starting to fill out! His cheeks just kill me they are so cute... reminds me so much of Adele when she was first born. He's also extremely alert! He just follows you around the room with his eyes. He's so curious. I can't imagine how bored he must be staring at the same walls all day!

He also passed his second hearing screening! He failed his first one, so we were nervous he might have some issues with his hearing as can be common for children with Down syndrome. Praise God he passed the second one making this no longer a concern.

Since I've last posted we received more information about the AV canal defect in his heart. He will eventually have to have open heart surgery to correct this defect. Luckily, this defect is not presenting any major issues at this point, but the cardiologist will continue to monitor it as he grows. We've read that overwhelming this surgery is done before six months of life, so we know this is on the horizon.

Other than that, Elliot is doing so well. Over the past six weeks, we have experienced such a range of emotions, but overwhelmingly, we have experienced such joy in navigating this new world. Elliot is our perfect boy - the boy we have prayed over since the moment I found out I was pregnant. We are just so excited to get home and really start this incredible journey in raising him!

Again, thank you for your prayers, messages and support. We really do appreciate it! Here's a pic from this past week of our little diva being a great big sister!

Making Progress

Last week was a big week for Elliot! He hit the 5-pound mark and weighs five pounds, three ounces - a pound above his birth weight. He also was moved out of his isolette and has been regulating his own body temperature for five days now with no problems. So those are two HUGE praises.

The only hurdle left is eating. Little guy is working hard on his feedings. He starts every bottle now and finishes about half of them, which is a huge improvement. As soon as he starts finishing all of them, we'll be able to bring him home. How sweet that day will be!

As much as I love and appreciate the doctors and nurses at Woman's, I'm so ready not to see that place every day! It's been a crazy summer for sure and I can't wait to get back to some sort of normalcy.

Whenever I visit Elliot, there is always some quiet time where somehow all of the other babies stop crying, the beeping machines seem to go into a lull and the nurses give us some space. I use this time to pray over my boy. The prayer is always about the same and it covers his mind, body and heart. It's not all that different from what I pray for Adele, but obviously there are some pointed differences. I would love to share with y'all what's on my mind when I say this prayer every day.

• Mind: I pray that somehow, some way he will not be held back academically. I am not naive. I realize the chances of him going to college and becoming a degreed professional are extremely slim, but I do pray that we find resources that will help him keep up with and excel in his schoolwork within his abilities. I pray that he can be ready for mainstream kindergarten with minimal aids and down the line is able to hold a steady job where he can feel successful, fulfilled and independent. 
• Body: I pray that he develops physically. I've read a lot of information on how long it takes for Down syndrome children to sit up, crawl and walk. It breaks my heart to know that many of his little friends will be running circles around him while he might still be struggling to sit up. I will accept whatever comes our way, but I do pray that we are sent physical therapists that will help us help him achieve his milestones at the front end of the statistics that I've seen.
• Heart: More so  than what I've prayed for his mind and body, I pray that Elliot's life is full of love. I pray that Justin and I cover him with love every day. I pray that our love for Christ shines through us to him and encourages him to build a personal relationship with Jesus. I pray that the love of Christ fills his heart completely and that he will fully understand what this love means. And though I realize through the scriptures that not everyone is meant to marry, I do pray that (one day far from now) he finds a special girl one day that will love him for who he is and vice-versa. And, if that girl is out there somewhere I pray all of these things for her heart too. 

I pray about a lot of other things too for both Adele and Elliot, but what's listed above is usually what I focus on. I have come to treasure this quiet time in the NICU when it's just the two of us and I can just pour out my heart over him. In a way I might actually miss it and will probably always look back fondly on this prayer time once he's home.

Whatever My Lot

I have a confession. I was scared to go to church tonight. Justin called on his way home from work and said he really wanted us to go. I just now have started feeling up to walking around, but I immediately began searching my brain for excuses. We'll have to rush through dinner. I was on my feet a lot today. My c-section incision still really hurts. But, the truth of it was that I was terrified of being hugged, having my shoulder patted or anything of the like that would make me melt into a ball of tears. Yes, the normally bubbly, peppy Melinda was frightened of being loved on.

Ultimately, Justin convinced me to go. As soon as we walked into the lobby people were so happy to see us and I admittedly also was happy to see everyone. I was hugged and I did not crumble. I somehow managed to stay strong through all of the questions and checking Adele into the childcare.

However, as we took our seats, they started singing "It Is Well With My Soul." Now, on a normal day this song would get me weepy, so today it really hit me. In that moment, I felt like I could have written that song (if I had that kind of musical talent). I hope that "whatever my lot," I can always reflect the lyrics of that hymn.

So, despite the minor breakdown during worship, church was a good decision and I'm glad Justin pushed me to go. It really was nice seeing everyone and being reminded of how loved Elliot already is! It was also so fun to see Adele running around with some of the other girls after the service... that child is such a bright spot. I can't tell you much I missed her while I was in the hospital.

In other news, Elliot is doing really well! I posted a couple of my favorite shots from this week up top. He's really such a cutie. He's gained a total of four ounces since birth so he's up to 4 pounds, 7 ounces - I'm convinced at least two of those pounds are from those cheeks! Check those out - reminds me so much of his big sister. They've also been able turn down the temperature in his isolette, which means he's getting better at regulating his temp on his own. Feeding still remains his biggest challenge. He's not really showing any consistency in how much milk he takes and rarely finishes a bottle, which means he gets the remainder through a tube. The doctors keep assuring us that he's progressing well and reminding us to be patient.... that he'll be home before we know it! What a great day that will be!

Also, Justin and I just want to say thanks for the outpouring of love, encouragement and prayers we have received since Elliot's birthday. Even though we knew we wanted to be totally transparent with Elliot's birth story, we honestly did not know how people would react to our news and my candidness about the experience. But, of course, God is great and it is clear that he has surrounded us with wonderful, supportive people throughout our lives. We've both been so humbled by the phone calls, texts and Facebook messages from everyone... including people we may not have spoken to in years! We really do appreciate it all and thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Elliot's Birth Story

After a crazy month, Justin, Adele and I are so excited to welcome Elliot Lee Wood to the world! He was born at 11:20 p.m. on Monday, July 7 weighing 4 pounds, 3 ounces. Take that all you doctors that said he would only weigh 3 pounds! Elliot's birth story is definitely one for the ages and we thank you for following along with us on this journey. As some of your already know, our journey is far from over.


After three weeks and three days in the hospital, Dr. Adam did her final scan on Monday evening around 7 p.m.. The blood flow in my placenta had drastically deteriorated since my last scan and she said it's time for this baby to come out. It just so happened that my OB, Dr. Ball, was on call that night, so we made the decision to have the c-section as soon as possible.

Everything went really fast at that point. They immediately hooked me up to IVs and took my blood sample. Before I knew it they were rolling me back to the operating room and I was getting my epidural. Justin was by my side the entire time. I was surprisingly very calm throughout the whole thing. Then I heard his sweet cries and Dr. Ball called out, "Hey there little guy! You're sure mad at me!"

The neonatalogist gave me one quick look at him before she took him for assessment. Justin of course went with her. Before I knew it, they told me how much he weighed and that he was breathing fine on his own. They wrapped him up and put him on my chest while Dr. Ball finished the surgery. He was so beautiful and I remember thinking how much he looked like Adele with his big eyes.

Since he was born at 34 weeks, they took him away after a couple of minutes because he needed to go to the NICU to finish all of his screenings. I was completely out of it any way from the surgery. My blood pressure was going crazy and I think the meds they gave me just knocked me out. I have very vague memories of the recovery room and when they finally got me back to my room for the night. All I know is for some reason I felt a cloud over everything. I held my beautiful son and saw his sweet face, but I just felt like something was wrong. Justin was in and out of the room. The nurses were acting strange. I knew in my stomach something was happening. Once the nurses cleared out of my room for the night, Justin was standing over me. I was totally in and out at this point, but I remember asking Justin, "Did Elliot make it?" He said, "Yes, but..." I cut him off. I told him I couldn't take whatever it was... that as long he was alive I was OK and that we'd talk in the morning.

Little did I know, I wouldn't wake up until early afternoon the next day... they must have put me on some crazy drugs! When I woke up, Justin was there. We talked a little bit and I said, "OK, I'm ready for it." That's when Justin told me that Elliot has most of the markers for Down Syndrome and that the neonatalogist was certain that Elliot has it.

The wind was knocked out of me. This was supposed to be the easy part. The last four weeks in the hospital suddenly felt like a cake walk. My mind was flooded with thoughts from "it wasn't possible, I saw his beautiful face" to "I'm dreaming... this isn't my life." I wondered what this would do to Adele's childhood, to our marriage, to my career. I wondered if he would ever have the mental capacity to accept Christ. I was in sheer panic mode. I was honestly terrified of what would come next in my life. I looked at Justin and I could tell that he had been battling these same thoughts since he heard the news last night. This is not what we pictured was going to happen, but, after the first few moments of shock, I knew that Justin and I would pull together. I knew that this was our son and we were going to love him to pieces. This was not our plan for our family, but it was definitely God's plan. And we were going to embrace it.

After I got the news, I wanted to see him. My nurse and Justin wheeled me down to the NICU where I held my sweet boy. He wasn't as small as I was expecting and he looked absolutely perfect. His little tongue was poking out of his mouth just like any other newborn's. His little hand wrapped tightly around my finger. I loved every part of him and I knew everything was going to be OK. Justin had a turn and like I've thought so many times over the last few weeks, I felt so much thankfulness that Justin was my husband.

The next two days are kind of a blur. Since Elliot was six weeks premature, he was put in the Level II NICU right away. His lungs were strong, but he needed help eating since his swallow-suck reflex isn't developed. He also was having problems regulating his body temperature. All of these things are normal preemie issues and have nothing to do with the Down Syndrome. While I was in the hospital we visited with him and held him as much as we could. We met with what I call a ton of "ists" ranging from a Geneticist to Speech Therapist to Occupational Therapist to Neonatalogist. All of them were amazing and gave us lots of great information about Elliot and what to expect. Everyone is in agreement that our first step is getting him home.

I was released on Thursday. While I hated leaving my boy, it felt so good to come home after almost a month. I immediately ate real food and took a nap on my couch with Macy. I read Adele stories before bedtime. And at the end of the day, after the longest four weeks of my life, Justin and I were finally able to sit in our bed and just hold each other while we cried our eyes out. We cried about our time apart. We cried about the unknown ahead. We had our pity party and then we decided together we were going to move forward. We both already knew we were head over heels in love with this kid and nothing was going to change that.

Justin said something that night that will always stick with me. He said, "I can't believe God thinks so highly of us that he blessed us with this special child." It's become clear that God has prepared us for this. He gave us a strong love and commitment toward each other. He's given us a comfortable roof over our heads. He's put us in a community where we are surrounded by loving family, friends, neighbors and church family.

It's no accident that God gave us Elliot. It's not the luck of the draw. It's not timing. God gave us Elliot for a reason and we're up for the challenges ahead. As I've already said, we're going to love on him no different. Adele is still going to be an amazing big sister. These things won't change. We are not naive. We know that there are going to be hard days, but with God, we are going to raise Elliot and Adele the same way we have always planned... in a loving home centered on Jesus.

We thank everyone for all of their prayers over the last month. We thank everyone who will continue to pray for our family. If you are praying for us, we pray first and foremost for Elliot to continue to progress so we can bring him home. They are predicting 2-3 weeks. Pray that Justin, Adele and I make this transition to a family of four with minimal challenges. Pray that Justin and my marriage continues to stay strong on the road ahead. We love all of you and again thank you for journeying with us during this time.

33 Weeks & Thankful for my Husband :)

We made it to 33 weeks today! I'm so thankful that Elliot is still in there baking away trying to grow as much as he can. Remember, the doctors are saying 34 weeks is our goal, so we are almost at the finish line!

I don't have any real updates today. It's just been more of the same, which is a good thing. So I thought I'd take the time to brag on my husband. If you're anything like me, when you picked your spouse, you had all of these images of all of these happy, blissful times. On my wedding day, I was imagining years ahead of summer vacations at the beach, children opening Christmas presents among the twinkling lights, our future little girl dancing on Justin's toes... I was picturing all of the "better" and "health" part of our vows and none of the "worse" and "sickness" part. 

But God never says our lives will be perfect, does he? We can look at Job to see that. Now, don't get me wrong. Through all of this I still feel extremely blessed, but I would be lying if I said the past couple of weeks haven't been hard. As I've said before, the hardest part is being away from my family. There is something so comforting about lying my head down next to Justin every night, so going to sleep alone among the hospital sounds has been quite the adjustment.

But Justin has handled all of this like a pro. I have no idea how he is balancing work, taking care of a toddler and making sure I have everything I need, but he is. Through it all he has managed to make sure I see Adele whenever I can and on the nights they can't make it up here, he is sure to FaceTime. When he visits, he brings up clean clothes and takes home the dirty ones. He brings me watermelon and KitKat bars and catches me up on life outside of the hospital. Since I'm the one that typically handles taking care of Adele, he's had to quickly take charge of dinner time, bath time and bed time and he's doing it wonderfully. And how can we forget he has a demanding full-time job on top of all this? Thankfully his work has been incredibly flexible during this time, but Justin being Justin hasn't taken much advantage of this... even bringing his laptop to the hospital if he comes to see me for lunch.

I see everything he's doing for our family and I thank God that Justin came into my life. I thank God that while I was thinking of decorating my future house and baking cookies with my future kids, God sent me a man that would that not only take care of me during the happy times, but the hard times as well.

I know this hasn't been easy on him, but Justin has taken it all in stride. He's reminded me everyday that I'm in here why I fell in love with him and why I love him more every day. So, to wrap things up... thank you Justin for being such an incredible husband and awesome dad! I'm so grateful that Elliot will have a Godly example of what a husband and father should look like. I truly thank God for you everyday and pray for your continued strength through this. I can't wait until I get to be your little spoon again! 

32 Weeks & 4 Days!

"He has made everything beautiful in its time." - Ecclesiastes 3:11

Dr. Adam knocked on my door at 6:30 a.m. to wheel me down to the ultrasound. They weren't kidding when they said she'd see me first thing in the morning. Regardless I was glad to see what was going on with Elliot!

The blood flow from placenta to baby is holding steady at the not great, but not scary stage, so we're happy about that. As promised they checked his growth and as they expected he's falling off of his growth pattern. He was in the 23rd percentile two weeks ago; this morning he was in the 15th and weighs 3 pounds and 4 ounces.

So what does this mean? It pretty much solidifies their earlier estimate of a c-section at 34 weeks. They will do another growth scan on Monday, July 7 (I'll be 34 weeks and one day) and if he's dropped to the 10th percentile or below, they will most likely do the c-section the following morning. My doctor said that based on their experience, they fully expect him to be at or below the 10th percentile. She added that he could always surprise us, but that I should probably mentally prepare myself for it to happen that week.

In the meantime, I'm to continue doing what I'm doing, which as you know is a fine balance between napping on my left side and watching TV. But seriously, the hospital has been great. No real complaints other than I miss my family!

Justin and I again want to thank everyone for their continued prayers! It's been a whirlwind for sure, but we've appreciated all the help. I've also enjoyed all of my visitors... I don't know what I'd do if I was all by lonesome every day! If you are praying for us, please keep it up! It's working! We are realistically expecting to have him that week of July 7, so while we would welcome a surprise, we're really praying for peace with the doctor's decision, a healthy delivery and hopefully a short NICU stay.

Again, thanks for all of your well wishes and we'll keep you posted!

32-Week Mark :)

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

We have successfully made it to the 32-week mark today! Dr. Adam (the perinatologist) did another ultrasound yesterday and everything looks stable - not any better, but not any worse, which keeps me on the 34-week delivery goal she's set. Meanwhile little Elliot's heart rate continues to show no signs of dips when they do the monitoring, which is great news. Dr. Adam is going to do another ultrasound on Wednesday to check the placenta flow again, but also this will be the first time she'll focus on Elliot's growth since it will have been almost two weeks since the initial scan that put me in the hospital. During that scan he was only 2 pounds, 15 ounces, which put him in the 23rd percentile. It's important that he stays on that growth pattern because if they see a significant drop on Wednesday's scan (meaning he's not getting the nutrients he needs to grow) that can be another factor for an early c-section.

The days at the hospital are passing quicker than I anticipated they would. I'm getting into a routine of eat, watch TV, play with my phone, read a book, nap, heart rate monitoring. The nurses and doctors at Women's Hospital have been amazing. I can't imagine going through this at any other hospital! That being said, I've really been struggling emotionally the past couple of days. I sit here looking at a calendar and realize how much longer I have to go without tucking in Adele at night and waking up next to Justin with Macy somehow having pushed me off my pillow in the middle of night. Today my sister had her baby and it pains me that I'm not up at the hospital with her.

I just really miss my life. I'm getting tired of having them having to take my blood pressure every four hours and asking me if I've pooped today, lol. I've cried every day I've been here. I realize the longer Elliot is inside of me the better, but that fact doesn't make it any easier to feel so disconnected from my family and friends. I just pray for patience during my hospital stay and that the time continues to pass quickly.

OK, end of pity party :)

I used Romans 12:12 at the beginning of this post because I feel that it perfectly reflects this moment in my life. I am so joyful in the hope that Elliot is going to be born at 34+ weeks and that he's going to be such a fighter when born. I am (trying to be) patient while staying at the hospital for at least two more weeks. I pray faithfully and continuously every day for Elliot's growth, my health and Justin's strength while we wait on Elliot's arrival.

I will try to update after my ultrasound on Wednesday. Until then thanks for all of your prayers and thoughts you've sent our way! Justin and I have felt them for sure :)

31 Weeks, 3 Days

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands." - Psalm 138:7-8

I found these verses to be extremely comforting today. When you look up the word preserve it means to keep alive or in existence; make lasting; to keep safe from harm or injury; protect or spare. And it hit me, God is the preserver of my life and of Elliot's! With the news we got last night, it's evident that God is continuously working on Elliot, making him stronger every day... preserving him every moment of the day, keeping him safe from harm or injury. He has a purpose for this moment in our lives and how truly wonderful it is to know that this is in God's hands.

Today I am 31 weeks, 3 days pregnant and I'm happy to report we received some great news last night! The perinatologist did a scan yesterday evening to check to see if the bedrest is doing anything for my placenta. Before she said anything else, she said, "There's something magical about bedrest." I'll never forget those words! She went on to explain that the blood flow from placenta to baby was much improved. Not improved enough for me to go home (not going to ever be an option with my condition), but improved enough that sweet Elliot gets to stay inside a little longer! She also was very impressed by the fact that he had no dips in his heart rate as of yet and said, "Look at this little trooper." I'm already such a proud mom!

Because of the good report, they were able to move me off of the labor & delivery floor and into the ante partum section. They also took the IV out and instead of continuous heart rate monitoring for Elliot, they've moved to intermittent monitoring. All of that means... I'm not hooked up to machines 24/7 anymore, yay! She's also hopeful that I can make it to 34 weeks, which is great news.

First and foremost, Justin and I want to let everyone know that we have felt your prayers. It has been such an emotional time for us and to know so many have been praying for us has been such a comfort through the whole ordeal. We do ask that you continue praying. While all of this is good news, we are not out of the woods and we are still more than likely looking at a preterm birth any way you slice it. Also, living in the hospital for three plus weeks is going to be really hard as you all can imagine. I miss my Adele more than I can even begin to explain. It's so hard not to tuck her in every night. Justin's been bringing her up for dinner, but I cry every time they leave. Please pray that the next few weeks go by quickly and fruitfully for our family. Also, continue to pray for our medical team... that they will ultimately make the right call on when to bring Elliot into this world.

Again, thanks for all your prayers and we'll continue to update as we know more.

31 Weeks and Holding

"He made me a polished arrow; in his quiver he hid me away." - Isaiah 49:2

That is the Bible verse that we centered Elliot's nursery around. His blanket has teepees on it. The walls have arrows. His mobile is a dreamcatcher adorned with feathers. It has all turned out to be such a cool little boy's room. However, I feel as though this Bible verse has held more meaning than I ever realized it would when I picked it out.

What first began as an awesome nursery theme has become my mantra. God is polishing my little man as we speak. He is making him stronger every day.

For those of you who do not know, I'm 31 weeks pregnant with him today and on this past Friday, I was admitted to the hospital because of a failing placenta most likely brought on by my chronic hypertension. Right now Elliot's heart rate is strong, but the doctors are saying it's just a matter of time before they start to see dips. When the dips become constant, they're going to take him out. They have no real way of knowing when it will happen, but their best guess is 1-2 more weeks. I'm on constant bed rest as they need to watch Elliot's heart rate continuously and they need my blood pressure to stay down. I see the perinatologist tomorrow morning, so hopefully we'll know more after she comes to see me.

The past couple of days have been a whirlwind. We obviously were not expecting to deliver our August baby in June as it is looking like. I was not expecting to be away from my sweet Adele for this long. I was not expecting to be hooked up to machines for an indefinite amount of time. The prospect of having a preemie is all so unknown and scary. But, as I mentioned earlier, his heart rate has already surprised a lot of people - but I know that's just God polishing him as much as he can.

A lot of people have asked what they can do for us right now, but all Justin and I really need during this time is your prayers. Please pray that Elliot stays in as long as possible. Please pray that Adele is OK without mommy for so long (and that mommy is OK without Adele for so long - trust me I've cried a lot of tears over missing that girl these past two days!) Also, Justin, my amazing husband, has shown me yet again what a strong man he is. I know this has been hard on him too. Trying to take care of me and Adele I know has been taxing and will continue to be so, so please say a prayer for him that he is able to balance it all in the coming weeks.

I'll try to keep everyone posted as much as possible. After all, I'm literally sitting here just waiting. You'll probably be hearing from me a lot!